King of the Hill

[Spookymufu]

as Spooky was hanging by his fingertips on the edge of Gorge of Eternal Peril he watched as Castle, Andybev01, and MacPhantom all met their doom. When the sink hole opened up he took his chance and got out of the Gorge of Eternal Peril and slowly walked to where the hill was. He had several loads of dirt delivered and rebuilt the hill and had a hot tub installed. From his 108 degree hot tub spooky surveyed his hill and admired his own reflection in the water, between the bubbles and invited Bella, Witchy, MM, and ILMM to join him...(bathing suits optional)

[Andybev01]

Hot tub, meet toaster.

[witchy]

I put a spell on Andy & sent him some place reeeally cold, with alot of snow, so I can be Queen of the hill for the day!!

[Castle]

Castle's hands burst through the surface of the recently filled sink hole. Wearing a slight smirk, he rose and stood at the foot of the hill, the dirt from the earth still falling off of his shoulders. He pulled a cigarette from his pocket, lit it, and stood there with the smoke hanging from his lips, which looked very sexy. With a snap of his fingers, small lizard-like creatures crawled out from the hole he created as he dug himself out. In the depths of the sink hole, Castle found he had fallen into an ancient chazm in the earth protecting a small population of velociraptors. He had made friends with the prehistoric creatures; the karaoke bar loved his voice, the lady raptors all asked him to open their jars, he even served as best-man for his raptor friend Steve's wedding. They would pounce at his command.
And they did. Everyone atop the hill was devoured while Castle stood there with a grin, still smoking and looking incredibly attractive.
The hill was his once again.

[Andybev01]

Watching from a distant ridge as Castle pulled his head out of his sink hole and scratched at what appeared to be crabs, Andy unpacked his latest toy from Israel.

He breathed onto his hands and clapped them together as they were still chilled from the Arctic Circle (curses, Witchy).

Adjusting the stock of the M89-SR into his shoulder he squinted into the scope.

He only had a 5 mag with him, and of that he would only need 1.

From across the chasm a tortured rendition of 'Wind Beneath My Wings' lurched it's way toward Andy and assaulted his ears.

"Who told that poor bahstaad he could sing?"

Andy initially came back for revenge and to reclaim his rightful place as KOTH, but now it had clearly become a coup de grace instead of a coup de tat, to put Castle out of his deluded misery.

Breathing out evenly and squeezing the trigger he sent sweet mercy rocketing across the distance and all that could be heard was the rifles' explosive report and "hero...", echoing darkly in the amber twilight.

[MacPhantom]

Twilight indeed, or so Andy thought, because Mac had secretly wound Andy's clock forward to 5:30pm, which also happened to be Andy's bedtime. Mac had also cleverly hidden Andy's supply of Geritol and Ensure, leaving Andy's ancient bones weary with fatigue. He sat down on the hill, and soon dozed off, chin resting on his chest, a bead of drool working itself down Andy's grizzled old chin. It took minimal effort for the virile young MacPhantom to roll Andy down the side of the hill.

[Andybev01]

Although Macs' plan wasn't completely lacking a modicum of merit he tended to be geographically challenged, and forgot that the 'hill' is located in Kiribati, and he was more than half a day late getting to Andy's watch.

Having anticipated a sloppy maneuver such as this from poor, poor Mac, Andy was in position well in advance and sniped him as he went for the watch.

I'm also fairly certain that time travel was involved but it's early, and I need more coffee.

[MacPhantom]

Andy was indeed king of the hill... king of an anthill full of quite nasty fire ants. They swarmed over Andy's body, devouring it in seconds, while Mac sat on the other hill, the important hill, and had a bagel and a beer.

[Andybev01]

Unfortunately for Mac the bagel wasn't kosher and well, you know how his maternal version of god feels about such things.

Andy sat shiva for him.

On the plus side, Andy got a week off of work and to wear his Crocs all day long!

[Castle]

Out of nowhere, Andy suddenly found himself surrouned by skeletons wearing sombreros. "¡Ataque!" one of them yelled, waving a Spanish rapier in one of its boney hands. Andy was cut down, chop by chop, by the dead Mexican army.
Meanwhile, Castle relaxed in a lawnchair on an adjacent hill, sipping a margarita and listening to the sounds of a soft Mexican guitar. His friends had returned with him from the Caribbean.
"¿Señor Castle, perhaps ju would like one of dees nice Mexican bonitas to keep ju company, eh?" one of them asked. Castle just waved his hand. "I'm having enough fun watching the show, Pedro. Thanks, though."
He thought it strange that even though the men were but skeletons, their mustaches were still visible.

[Andybev01]

Andy walked over to Castle who lay slumped over in a fetal position, drooling onto the floor and mumbling some nonsense about "attics" or possibly "Libyans".

It was hard to tell what was going through his messed-up brain.

"Wow, the psychotropic 'shrooms were more potent than they looked".

All that was left to do was drop some raw bacon on Castle's face, then open the cage where the three starving rats were already screeching to be fed.

Andy said a final "Sweet dreams man", as he turned from the carnage and walked back to the top of the hill to watch a new day dawn.

[Castle]

The morning's sun seemed brighter than normal to Andy. The heat enveloped him and caused a strange burning sensation on his skin. It was too late once he realized what he saw was not the sun, but a nuclear explosion. The shockwave rocketed past him, ripping the loose muscle and tissue from his bones and hurling his mangled corpse onto a nearby lesser hill.
Castle's corpse was protected from the blast by the many rat bodies covering him. He lay yet again atop the hill.

[Spookymufu]

As Castles rat covered body lay on top of the hill and Andys badly burned and dismembered body lay on the lower, lessor hill, Spooky casually walks up to the top and stands triumphantly on the hill, looking down at BellaDonna, Spooky picks up castles limp body and shows it to her, then tosses it in the ditch, with Bella impressed, Spooky smiles and a sparkle light glints off his tooth and for a short second he almost looks like a super hero

[Andybev01]

Watching from his sniper position it appeared to Andy that Spooky was either attempting to do his best Flava impersonation, or scare Bella off by pretending that wearing his shorts on the outside of his pants made him look like Superman.

Either way Andy was embarrassed for Spooky but happy to see that he had no idea that 'Bella' was in fact an animatronic replica packed from top to bottom with C-4, and the timer only had 5 seconds remaining...

[Castle]

As Andy watched high up from his spot some many yards away, he did not notice the slow moving mass of super-heated lava lurching in his direction. Just before the C-4 went off, Andy's ankles melted from the heat. He tried to stand in a panic and move away from the glowing orange threat, but slipped and fell from the cliff upon he was perched, tumbling to his death.


Moments later the lava overflowed from the cliffside, drowning Andy's body in a molten tomb. Castle, having been reassembled and reanimated per his request to Witchy, leisurly strolled up the hillside and placed his hands on his hips. Women from all over flocked to him to bask in his attractiveness. One of them bought him a new set of golf clubs, which he loved.
They bore him many children.